Showing posts with label "freaking scary". Show all posts
Showing posts with label "freaking scary". Show all posts

Vegatarians Wanted on Midnight Meat Train

>> 26.2.09


Just as bloody and nihilistic as Hellraiser, writer/producer Clive Barker
acts as your conductor on this train ride to hell. Well, actually Clive just acts as your gravelly voiced ticket taker as its Ryuhei Kitamura who directs the whole bloody affair.

It’s a ride a horror hound will want to take, but pray that you don’t end up on the same train as the dour Vinnie Jones and his hammer.

Photographer Leon (Bradley Cooper) wanders around the streets looking for interesting things to take pictures of. He complains to his waitress girlfriend Maya (Leslie Bibb) that their mutual friend Jurgis (Roger Bart) never introduces him to any of his wealthy contacts so that Leon can secure a gallery show.

Things change when Jurgis introduces Leon to gallery owner Susan Hoff (Brooke Shields). She is aloof but tells Leon when he starts to see the seamy underbelly of the city that he should keep shooting and then maybe he’ll have what she’s looking for and would result in Leon having a show in her gallery.

He takes his camera and moves throughout the city late at night. He sees an oriental woman being harassed by a street gang and makes them leave her alone. He watches her get on a subway train, but notices a hulking man also on the train.


That man is named Mahogany (Vinnie Jones) and he slaughters the woman once the train leaves the station. Leon reads that the woman has disappeared in the paper and approaches the police with the photos he took of her. He notices a distinctive ring on the hulking man’s hand and begins his late night wanderings to try and find the man again. He does and discovers that he works as a butcher of cattle in his day job and a butcher of people in his late night duties.


As Leon becomes more obsessed with finding Mahogany, but as he gets further into his investigation he may become more enmeshed with the devilish subway killer than he ever imagined.

After several films that were more anemic than horrifying, Clive Barker was ready to return to his bloody roots. Fittingly, he would turn back to some of his first works in Books of Blood and catch the Midnight Meat Train.

Clive acted as producer but stepped out of the way and let director Ryuhei Kitamura, who makes his American film debut, drive the train. The film has been lost in the subway for some time but makes its way onto DVD in this unrated, director’s cut.

The film has a gritty feel that certainly makes the comparison to Barker’s Hellraiser fit nicely. It’s also not afraid to let the red stuff flow in this cut. The film was given a short theatrical run, most likely suffering a lot of cuts for an R-rating, but it arrives on DVD with all the grue intact.

There are several horrible murders on the train cars. A group of tourists, including the always willing to be slaughtered Ted Raimi, is probably the most bloody with some eyeballs flying across the car. Jones also has a knockdown-drag out with another guy that is also good.

You have to give kudos to Jones and the filmmakers, because Mahogany (sounds like agony) is a silent hulking brute and in other hands they’d give him all sorts of quips and funny lines. Mahogany’s silence and brutal killing style are the things that make him a menace.

There’s also a little bit of Nightbreed here as to the reason as to why Mahogany is murdering those unfortunate enough to be riding the late train. It’s a welcome return to the good old days of Barker’s works and films instead of the endless and weary Hellraiser sequels. A bloody good ride as long as you’re not the meat.

The Midnight Meat Train is presented in anamorphic widescreen (2.35:1) and is enhanced by 16x9 televisions.

Special features include a commentary with author/producer/cenobite Clive Barker and director Ryuhei Kitamura. The 15 minute “Clive Barker: The Man behind the Myth” spends the afternoon with the horror author talking about his writing and more his artwork.

The 5 minute “Mahogany’s Tale” looks at the character with Barker, Kitamura, cast, and the creature himself – Vinnie Jones (getting a word in here since he only has one line in the film). The 9 minute “Anatomy of a murder scene” looks at how they shot the tourist kill. Finally you get the 2 minute theatrical trailer.

The Midnight Meat Train is a welcome return to the root of Barker’s bloody success and easily compared to his breakout film. Let’s hope that the other planned Books of Blood feature films keep up the grisly good work.

The Midnight Meat Train is now available at Amazon. Courtesy Monsters & Critics

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Amazon Scares Up Kindle 2

>> 24.2.09

Download, read and enjoy every book ever printed in any language in under 60 seconds with Amazon's Kindle 2. How freaking scary is that? Stephen King Kindled is killer!

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Watchmen: Rorschach's Mask


As any fanboy knows, the Watchman's Rorschach's mask changes patterns based on his emotions. In this behind the scenes exclusive, the visual effects wizards reveal how they are able to accomplish this trick so you'll be able to enthrall your friends with your acumen at the comic books store. Click this to read my previous Watchmen take.

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Boycotting Academy Awards

>> 20.2.09


I'd rather drink acid than watch the Academy Awards. Why so serious? Short answer: there's no horror film category. Don't horror movies merit Oscars? If animated films get a category than why not one for freaking scary movies?

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Eliza Pimps Dollhouse on Hulu TV


Too little, too late, for the ill-fated Dollhouse as nervous television honchos jumped on the Alec Baldwin Hulu bandwagon and released their own Hulu TV spot.  Eliza D reveals she's actually an alien.  Hmm, the notion that members of the D house are actually aliens instead of airheads sounds like a vast improvement.  Joss W, why didn't you think of that?  Good thing for Eliza it's pilot season.  Click this for my original Dollhouse review.

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Pamela Anderson Goes Cougar


Pamela Anderson was in full cougar mode as she prowled the catwalk at Richie Rich's fashion happening which featured the prerequisite tranny models dolled up over the top clothes. Growl, that's a freaking scary stare, Pammy. Barbwire 2 anyone?

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Bad Boy Bikers Raise Hell Grand Theft Auto IV Style

>> 17.2.09


Skip work, cut school and treat yourself to a hot digital download Grand Theft Auto IV: The Lost and Damned which is now available as a $19.99 download only for the Xbox 360 via Microsoft’s Xbox Live Internet service. Johnny's a biker with ambition, rivals and an appettie for destruction so climb aboard the mayhem express.

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Dollhouse Babes Worth Forgetting

>> 13.2.09


Watching the premiere episode of the Dollhouse reminds me the classic Two Coyote Ugly joke in which a guy is willing to gnaw off both arms in case the ugly girl comes looking for a one armed man, except in Dollhouse case there's no more need to be chewing off limbs when the ready solution is to just have the girl's memory erased.

Yep, wipe her memory clean and then give her a new memory for her next big assignment: doctor, lawyer, Indian chief. You get the picture, in fact it's a premise ripped from the pages of Phillip Dicks' Total Recall with a little Six Million Dollar Man meets La Femme Nikita. The problem is I doubt television viewers are going to be willing to tune in and watch a character who is a different personality every week no matter how much skin they flash, sorry Pam Anderson.

The best thing about Dollhouse is that might distract you long enough to forget that you're not out on a Friday night. Although I'm sure my 12-year old brother and his mutant friends will gladly tune in for some gratuitous T&A but I doubt this was the demographic advertises are trying to reach.

Smart money says you may wanna forgo the eyestrain and just forget about this one all together. After all, the last Fox Friday Nite hit was X-Files before the dawn of the Tivo. Meanwhile, this Banshee won't be adding a Tivo season pass for Dollhouse, in fact, given the show's limited potential, I doubt it will run more than 13 episodes.

Check out this Joss Whedon classic instead Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

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WTF? U2 Looses its Edge with No Line on the Horizon



U2 holds a special place in this Banshee's heart having lost my virginity backstage at one of their concerts, but that's another freaking scary groupie sex story.

It's raining in Los Angeles, yes, it really does, and I'm stuck in my car in gridlock traffic, limping my way along the 101 freeway at brisk 3 mph trying to make it over to Melrose for an interview and the radio DJ announces "Here's the new single from U2." Cool, been a long time since they rock-n-rolled.

So you can imagine my surprise, no my genuine horror after the new U2 single Get on your boots from the new album No Line on the Horizon began to play. Boots was an auditory assault on my ears that left me physical ill to the point I rolled down my window and puked. I've got the residual vomit left on the inside of my driver's door to prove it. A definitive WTF moment in my life. Boots has the depth, no the soul of a jingle for the worst commercial ever made.

U2 used to be the antithesis of corporate rock; today they are the embodiment of it. Think I have met the enemy and he is me. I blame Saint Bono for the band U2's downward spiral. He's too busy globetrotting around the earth trying to win the Nobel Prize for Peace to focus on writing worthwhile lyrics that rock. Bono, the world's full of Nobel Prize winners but in dire need of music that can change the world.

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More Hollywood Horror Anguish

>> 12.2.09



Looks like Hollywood has responded rather quickly to my post "Can Jason Save Movies?" by harvesting some Spanish gold:

"The Hitcher" scribe Jake Wade Wall has written a remake of the 1987 Spanish horror film "Anguish."

The 1987 Bigas Luna terror follows two girls who, while watching a scary film, finds themselves in a horror movie of their own when their life starts to echo the film's plot.

Wall is writing the adapted screenplay for Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures. No director has been signed on yet.

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Brad Pitt Gets Medieval on Nazis

>> 11.2.09



Here's the new trailer for Quentin Tarantino's "Inglourious Basterds" starring Brad Pitt. Looks like Pulp Fiction meets Fight Club meets Dirty Dozen.

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Can Jason Save Horror Movies?

What happened my beloved Hollywood horror movies that used to make me freaking scream like a Banshee? Where have they gone? Overseas. Seems like Japan, the land of the rising sun, and it's neighboring countries are churning out some really high-end, quality horror flicks while Hollywood seems content to churn out remake after remake with today's release of Friday 13th (2009).

Yes, they've actually included the year 2009 in the title because this film has seen more makeovers than a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. Seems like Friday 13's Jason is the go to guy when it comes to horror franchises.

Actually, Jason's the James Bond of horror without the hot babe fringe. No wonder Jason's pissed off! But hey, any fighter knows that sex before the big match is a big no-no. And trust me, Jason the whole horror industry is counting on you to deliver a knockout hit. So, in the immortal words of Rocky Balboa "Cut me, Mick."

Click here for more Friday 13th

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Christian Bale Wrath Hits Terminator Velocity

>> 9.2.09


It's really freaking scary how the whole world suddenly knew about Christian Bale's meltdown on the set of "Terminator."  I guess "Big Brother" really is listening, huh?  Okay, so it was some lame sound mixer who recorded the meltdown on the film set, but who told him to keep rolling sound after the take got interrupted by the futzing antics of the cinematographer?  I smell a Hollywood conspiracy here.  Shocking.



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Plane Crash Survivors Feasted on Corpses!

>> 8.2.09



Plane crash victims feasting on dead bodies sounds like a zombie horror film with a twist, except the film in question, Stranded: I've Come from a Plane That Crashed on the Mountains, is a documentary.  A documentary film freaking scary?

Absolutely, the film  interviews the sole survivors left from a 1972 plane crash in the Andes Mountains of Peru who resorted to cannibalism.   Stranded: I've Come from a Plane That Crashed on the Mountains, is a riveting account of what drove these passengers to eat human flesh to survive.
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My Best Friend's A Vampire So Bite Me!

>> 5.2.09

Nothing like a vampire movie on a dull, rainy Southern California afternoon, especially when said flick turns out to be a freaking scary gem like "Let The Right One In".


The title refers to the Morrissey song "Let the Right One Slip In" but also to the aspect of vampire lore which says that vampires cannot enter a house unless invited. Banshee wonders if vampires have to study these rules the way we mere mortals do for a driver's license?



"Let The Right One In"
, is a wonderful story of a young boy who befriends a neighbor girl who turns out to be a vampire. Complications ensue, but then they always do. Netflix it!

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Watchmen Superheroes With Attitude

>> 30.1.09



Watchmen are a whole new breed of costume superheros with attitude for those of us who never read the limited edition series published by DC Comics, shame on you, and what are you waiting for?

The film version of Watchmen looks like it's gonna drop soon at your local cineplex now that Fox Studios and Warner Bros have kissed and made up over who actually controls the rights to the project. "Bring me the head of Joel Silver on tray," was a phrase allegedly overheard several times by the lunch crowd at the Smoke House.

Regardless, Watchmen is surely to awaken movie goers from their Oscar nominated film doldrums, or in some cases just plain dull movies like suburban nightmare Revolutionary Road.

Please, no more cerebral films for at least 9 more months; I just want a good, old fashioned CGI, cutting edge $200 million flick with a good story and lots of mayhem. So get ready to race to the theatre, grab a big bucket of popcorn and a Coke and be thoroughly entertained. Watchmen, now that's something worth watching.

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Horror film fan? Enjoy a good thriller? Love comic books? Anime, manga or Japanese cartoons? Blockbuster movies? Supernatural, ghosts, entertainment news? All things freaking scary considered...

Meet Banshee

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